Fighting the Smartphone Zombies, 5 Peaceful Ways at a Time
I thought they would go away. So did you. But they didn't. Their numbers only increased, and now they are everywhere. We are few. Yet ready.
The Smartphone Zombies are the greatest threat to peaceful modern existence worldwide.
This is Okay:
1. Checking wireless content and data snacking in a seat or standing in line somewhere. It beats looking at the other jerks in the room.
2. Bluetooth headphones on while someone asks you a question out of the blue. Take one side off, offer assistance and be on your merry way.
This is not Okay:
3. Darting out of a building eyes glued to an OLED and charging into an intersection while furiously scrolling through pillows.com.
Sorry pal. You are asking too much of the world to accompany your pillow fetish in public spaces. Door No. 3 has been opened too many times!
This is the Rubicon. The Die Has Been Cast!
The social contract has been torn up by people who transport their consciousnesses into alternative digital realities while they dangerously sleepwalk through the land of the living.
If it were 1 person?
Who cares.
Now that it's worldwide and in the billions.
It's time to fight back. Peacefully.
Here are 5 Steps to Take Back the Social Contract We've so Diligently Fought for and Protected.
Don't move for them. Even if it's a woman. Don't bash into them, because this is about peace. But never give a wayward ship the right of way. If they are dealt a faint glance and both parties sarcastically apologize, it's the best we can hope for. But never cause harm. Never give the right of way.
Increase your shoe volume by scrapping your heels across a sidewalk while preemptively staring them in the face. When they look up due to the aural signaling, they will see your eyes and move aside.
The Digitally Obese are already taking up too much space. Don't move out of the way of their smartphones if they are dangling them in a public space. If their smartphone gets a bump and their wrist goes limp in a public space -- it's on them.
If they are weaving on the sidewalk ahead of you like a drunk but it's only 9 a.m., just walk behind them with about 2 feet of distance and clear your throat. They will look up, shocked, turn around and thereby transport their consciousness back into the 3d world and let you pass with a perplexed expression.
Don't hesitate to tap on your friends' screens when they are zombie messaging during a dinner. Just walk up to their phone from behind, and randomly jab your finger on their screen. This will hopefully wake them up and prevent them from becoming the other 4 categories.
That is -- if they aren't already.
The war is on, and has been for years. We have fallen behind. But maybe it's time we all caught up and piece back together a social contract that makes sense and throw social media to the curb.
Thanks for reading. I run the Japan WUT? Podcast. If you like what you read here, check us out.
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